We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
