I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
