I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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