JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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