ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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