I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
