I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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