if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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