So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
