90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
