who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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