i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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