Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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