he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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