i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
