We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
