his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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