she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
