ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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