my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
