I must be too annoying 4 u.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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