Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
