Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
