My liver just broke up with me...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
