Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
