Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
