i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
