i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
