He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
