is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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