I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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