she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
