: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
