If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my shit smells like andre
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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