I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
