I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
