btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
