whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
