Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
