VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
