well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
