You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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