I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
