why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
