it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
