You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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