i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
