p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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