3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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