it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
