I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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