How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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