Where did you get a picture of my penis
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
40s are totally the cure
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
