Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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