In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
